Why I'm Still Alive?

 I often ask God, " Can you please let me die? "

It started when I was around seven years old. I grew up in a chaotic family. I saw how harsh and cruel this world is at an early age.

As I grew older, I saw more cruelty exposed on television and online. I often ask God, "What is my purpose in this world?"

I said in my previous blog post/s that my purpose is to help. I did my best to help, but I believe the world would be okay without me. 

Many want to live longer, but not me. I'll be glad to donate my life to someone who needs it. 

I have many dreams and aspirations, but I'm okay if I don't achieve them. I learned to feel contentment despite the deprivations. I have accepted that we cannot get everything we want. 

What I do not understand is why do I have to live longer? I am already 26 years old. Many of my dreams came true. I am happy with what I have. I am satisfied with what I've done and my contributions to this world (do I have one?). 

My question now is, "Why am I still alive?"

I cannot fathom God's reasons. 

I'm tired of this world. I'm sorry if I'm thinking of giving up once again. I will continue living and doing what I plan to do, but I may not be the same.

I chose to live but as a different person. I got tired of completing my puzzle. 

I do not know what I'm saying, but I'll continue typing. I have no clue where this will go. All I want is to vent out. I hope I will be okay after posting this blog.